Monday, September 7, 2009

Facebook Friend Prude

It's been 24 hours since I created the handsome Duke Laserwood, and I'm exactly at the 100 Facebook friend milestone. Though I'm a very proud father, I'm also incredibly erratic, and at day 2, I think I already have to change my game plan. I came out yesterday talking about being a huge Facebook friend whore who, at the drop of a hat, would friend anyone right in the friender. But I think I misjudged myself...I'm not even a friend slut...I'm just a friend prude. No friend, don't try to cheer me up.

Today, I started ripping into the 'Big Trouble In Little China' fan page like I said I was going to in yesterday's entry, 'Filthy Stinking Friend Whore'. Then, almost immediately - only about 10 invites deep - I got a message in my inbox from a one of my stranger friends. It said, "Hi, do I know you?".

Ahhhhhhh! What a jerk! Why can't people just let a whore be a whore?! It's the world's oldest profession for crying out loud!

Seriously though...here's my beef:

I'm still planning on employing some blind date tactics to reach the 5000 mark, but the bulk of my strategy needs a bit more tact. Even though those dirty Tweet walkers (I think I just made that up - I'm calling it) do it all the time, for some reason, I just feel scandalous asking someone to be my friend for no reason - especially when they catch me doing it.

Remember when I said I was going to rifle through my brother and sister's network, and invite all of their contacts? I think, instead, I'm going to ask them to do it for me. Using Facebook's "Suggest a Friend" feature, all they need to do is go to my profile, click "Suggest a Friend for Duke Laserwood", check all of their friends, and hit "Suggest". While my siblings inherited my dad's balls, I got my mom's ovaries...I'm sure they won't mind participating in such an aggressive invitation strategy.

Alright, it's decided, that's my new staple tactic to complete phase 1 of Project Friend Whore (reach 5000 friends on Facebook). I'm going to con my friends into suggesting all of their friends to be friends with me (if Google really penalizes for keyword stuffing, I'm screwed).

Friends Friendsington McFriends! Farts!

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